Go Get Your Mail

I’m at a perplexing crossroads in my life I feel like lately. Which is slightly absurd when I really think about it. I have a steady job that I have no fear of losing, I’m finally getting things paid off, I live with my grandparents so I don’t have much to worry about in the form of housing, but I just completely feel like something is missing and I can’t even to begin to figure it out.

While talking with a friend the other day contemplating applying for a position in the company that on paper sounds just like what I need. A job that would allow me to travel, more money, and work more with people BUT it could possibly involve moving to a random state and picking a random city to live in, inside I FREAK out. There are possibly other positions that could become available in the Dallas area, but a few weeks ago when I started really considering it I broke out in hives… hives?! That has never happened in my life. I’ve come to the realization that I am a complete chicken shizz when it actually comes down to making a big change like moving to a place where I know no one. The idea on paper seems whimsical, a chance to start a new, meet new people, see new places.. but logistically it scares the crap out of me. Where do you pick to live, how will you make friends, bills, is it safe. O. M.G. freak out.  Then I think about being so far from home, missing my family, and who would take care of poor little Oliver if I couldn’t take him with me? So as I’m sharing my internal freak out thoughts with my friend, she tells me in a better way, but basically I need to stop being so scared of life and get out there and make things happen. She feels she has lost out on so much in her life because she was too scared. When she first moved to the area she lived in an upstairs apartment and was too scared to go outside and around to the front to get her mail, she made her husband go and get it.

I know I need to just suck it up and “go get my mail” but how and where do you even begin to start? I’m in desperate need of some sort of change whether that be in my career or in my personal life, like finding a passion or a new hobby or something. I just crave something and I can’t even figure out what that something is. A big part of me is just so scared to take a chance. I’m so careful and I have been my whole life, I just always like to have a safety net there to catch me, or more so I guess, it’s just easier to not try and then you don’t fail, but that won’t move you forward. It’s exhausting these days trying to figure this all out. I’ve mentioned it before, but life events in these economic times are just so skewed from what they used to be. Many people my age still live at home because they can’t find jobs etc etc. Which means the whole “adulthood” has been pushed back a bit. I just don’t know….

How do you get over being such a chicken shizz and make something happen? I’m not saying life has handed me lemons by any means, I know I’ve got it pretty good. I’m just missing that icing on the cake, that extra sweetness to make it just that much better. I’m ready to “go get my mail” I just don’t know where the mailbox is…