I try my darndest to stay positive and find ways to keep my momentum on the up and up, but I tell you what. It is completely exhausting. Physically, emotionally and any other way one thing can be exhausting, keeping it together is exhausting.
I've Googled extensively into the wee hours of the morning sometimes, searching for an explanation as to how a seemingly average, fairly successful twenty-something with a semi-bright future can so easily feel like a pile of muck, stuck in a rut and have such a generally blah outlook. First I'd like to blame Facebook, no but really. In what time in the past were your peers life so readily available for viewing and comparison? So and so is having a baby, so and so is engaged. Blah blah.
Your twenties aren't what they used to be. I think it's kind of placed a disconnect between generations in that older generations remember their twenties and don't remember it being too difficult and younger generations look to past generations and see that they had already established so much at the same age. In my Google search I found a book 20 Something 20 Everything: A Quarter-Life Woman's guide to Balance and Direction I'm only 36 pages in and can already relate. So far the author is sharing research and findings after she interviewed many women both currently in their twenties and the previous generations of women now later in their lives and shares their reflections on the same period of time in their life.
I've already highlighted some common feelings that I share from excerpts from other twenty-somethings, "I experience misplaced energy from a weak sense of self. A lot of two steps forward, three steps back." or the statement "Twenty-something women spend a lot of time wondering, planning, and feeling overwhelmed while searching for answers." UM HELLO!? These sentences were the first time that I, obviously through others, was able to myself articulate how I feel. The book also goes onto comparing how in the past women's roles were more defined, and women today have so many more opportunities which is awesome, but also creates the perplexity of "having it all" the family AND the successful career. And ain't it a b**** that men don't really have this. Their roles in society haven't changed nearly as women's have in the past decades, lucky jerks. So looking back women my age were typically married/children well on the road to happily ever after Leave it to Beaver family perfection [obviously I know that rarely is ones life perfect with no turmoil, it helps my case if everyone was Mrs. Cleaver, ok?]
Basically I'm overwhelmed, not in like a debilitating I-can't-leave-the-house kind of way (although sometimes it can feel like it), but more in the my mind is going a hundred million miles per minute and I can't figure out where I want to go. I'd love to look into other career opportunities but in this job market/economy who can afford to up and leave their 401k and health benefits in order to roam around finding a job in something interesting. I just don't have the luxury there. It's hard to not mental note compare where your classmates are in life because it's updated in your newsfeed.
All things seem to point to patience and time, a certain level of mediocrity, faith and a lot of dreams. So I will just continue to keep on keepin' on until a little bit of luck rolls my way, but sometimes it is just exhausting. I had to vent, thanks for listening. :)
